歐元+大便 = 德國人的喜好 (光鮮外表下的大便愛好者)

最近魔球 Moneyball 上演，大家都在討論這個電影。但可否知道魔球的作者 Michael Lewis 對目前歐債的看法?

作者在金融風暴後，在所謂的新的第三世界走了一圈，當中冰島和希拉的國家，信報林行止有很精彩的節錄，但是德國就太精彩了，沒人提到這個部份，我就來說說。

Boomerange: Travels in the new third world 中的 THE SECRET LIVES OF GERMANS一章中，作者先提出了美國人類學家 Alan Dundes 對德國人的研究： 德國人對人類的糞行為很有興趣。舉例而言，世界第一個厠所博物館在德國，德國人的鍾愛以 "我的小屎蛋" 來形容  (很有南方四賤客的 fu)，古腾堡（Gutenberg）預計在聖經後發表的書是歷屎書。莫札特對大便的啫好只能用無予倫比來形容。希特樂喜歡女人在他身上大便…。

為了證明德國人真的喜歡大便，Commerzbank 在法蘭福有個 53 樓的高樓，頂樓的尖尖玻璃屋你猜猜是什? 男人厠所，哈哈哈! 講到銀行，裏面提到德國的一家銀行銀行找來傳播妹的荒旦不經的那一段更是要看，哈，實在太精彩了!

德國人喜歡看女人在大便裏打滾打架，然後自己戴個保險套套住頭，以免被大便噴到。

所以，結論是德國人這麼愛大便，那表面看來光鮮的歐元，怎麼可能不來一點大便充實內在呢，所以這些財務不佳的歐豬，正是其最喜歡的大便了。

Amazon.com: Boomerang: Travels in the New Third World (9780393081817): Michael Lewis: Books via kwout

德國人愛屎的例子：

• "one finds an inordinate number of texts concerning Scheisse (shit), Dreck (dirt), Mist (manure), Arsch (ass). . . . Folksongs, folktales, proverbs, riddles, folk speech—all attest to the Germans' longstanding special interest in this area of human activity."
• He proceeded to pile up a shockingly high stack of evidence to support his theory. There's a popular German folk character called der Dukatenscheisser (The Money Shitter), who is commonly depicted crapping coins from his rear end. The world's first museum devoted exclusively to toilets is in Munich. (A second has opened in New Delhi.) The German word for "shit" performs a vast number of bizarre linguistic duties—for instance, a common German term of endearment once was "my little shitbag." The first thing Gutenberg sought to publish, after the Bible, was a laxative timetable he called a "Purgation-Calendar." Then there is the astonishing number of anal German folk sayings. "As the fish lives in water, so does the shit stick to the asshole!," to select but one of the seemingly endless examples.
• The fiercely scatological Martin Luther ("I am like ripe shit and the world is a gigantic ass-hole," Luther once explained) had the idea that launched the Protestant Reformation while sitting on the john.
• Mozart's letters revealed a mind, as Dundes put it, whose "indulgence in fecal imagery may be virtually unmatched."
• Hitler's favorite word was Scheisskerl (shithead): he apparently used it to describe not only other people but himself as well. After the war Hitler's doctors told U.S. intelligence officers that their patient had devoted surprising energy to examining his own feces; and there was pretty strong evidence that one of his favorite things to do with women was to have them poop on him. Perhaps Hitler was so persuasive to Germans, Dundes suggested, because he shared their quintessential trait, a public abhorrence of filth that masked a private obsession.

頭戴保險套看屎打滾：

• …  Naked women fought in a ring of filth while the spectators wore plastic caps, a sort of head condom, to avoid being splattered. "Thus," wrote Dundes, "the audience can remain clean while enjoying dirt!" Germans longed to be near the shit, but not in it. This, as it turns out, is an excellent description of their role in the current financial crisis.
• They'd donned head condoms in the presence of their bankers, and avoided being splattered by their mud.

透明的頂樓男厠：

• There's a law in Germany prohibiting buildings higher than twenty stories, but Frankfurt allows exceptions. The Commerzbank Tower is fifty-three stories high and unusually shaped: it resembles a giant throne. The top of the building, the arms of the throne, are more decorative than useful. The interesting thing, said the German financier, who visited often, is the glass room at the top, from which one looks down over Frankfurt. It is a men's toilet. Commerzbank executives had taken him there to show him how, in full view of the world below, he could shit on Deutsche Bank.

傳播妹片段：

• … In finance, high or low, this sort of thing is of course not unusual. What was striking was how organized the German event was. The company tied white and yellow and red ribbons to the prostitutes to indicate which ones were available to which men. After each sexual encounter the prostitute received a stamp on her arm to indicate how often she had been used. The Germans didn't just want hookers: they wanted hookers with rules.

翻譯教的一堆屎話：

• From Düsseldorf we drive to Leipzig, and from Leipzig we hop a train to Hamburg to find the mud wrestling. Along the way she humors me by parsing her native tongue for signs of anality. "Kackwurst is the term for feces," she says grudgingly. "It literally means shit sausage. And it's horrible. When I see sausages I can't think of anything else." She thinks a moment. "Bescheissen: someone shit on you. Klugscheisser: an intelligence shitter.
• "If you have a lot of money," she continues, "you are said to shit money: Geldscheisser." She rips a handful of other examples off the top of her head, a little shocked by how fertile is this line of thinking, before she says, "And if you find yourself in a bad situation, you say, 'Die Kacke ist am dampfen the shit is steaming.'" She stops and appears to realize she is encouraging a theory of German national character.
•  "Scheisse glänzt nicht, wenn man sie poliert: Shit won't shine, even if you polish it," she says, as we pass the Funky Pussy Club. "Scheissegal: it just means 'I don't give a shit.'" She laughs. "That's an oxymoron in Germany, right?"